Exploring the Four Attachment Styles

Painting from The Boy's King Arthur, by N. C. Wyeth, 1922

Attachment theory is based on the work of John Bowlby and explores how early relationships with our parents and caregivers influence our relationship patterns in adulthood. Humans have an innate drive to seek comfort and forming close bonds has been one of the basic needs of human survival where we try to find comfort, love, and security in others. However, not all relationships function in a healthy way, and many interpersonal difficulties can be traced back to our early attachment experiences. These early patterns which are developed in childhood through interactions with caregivers often unconsciously influence how we relate to others later in life.

Attachment styles begin to form in infancy based on how caregivers respond to a child's physical and emotional needs. When caregivers are consistently responsive, the child typically develops a secure attachment with a sense of trust and emotional safety. However, when caregiving is inconsistent and unresponsive, even if unintentionally, the child may develop an insecure attachment style. These early relationship dynamics become internalized and influence our expectations, behaviours, and emotional responses in adult relationships.

Among the insecure attachment styles, anxious attachment is characterized by a deep fear of abandonment and a negative self-view. Adults with this style usually become preoccupied with their relationships and may rely heavily on reassurance from their partners. They may display “clingy” or overly dependent behaviours, with a persistent worry that their partner does not care for them as much in return. Their intense need for emotional security often comes from inconsistent caregiving in childhood.

Melancholy, Painting by Edvard Munch, 1894-1896

Individuals with avoidant (or dismissive) attachment styles usually maintain emotional distance, often prioritizing independence over intimacy. They generally have a positive view of themselves but a negative view of others, which can lead to discomfort with emotional closeness or reliance on others. These individuals may suppress emotions, withdraw during conflict, or resist becoming too dependent on a partner. Their early caregivers may have discouraged emotional expression or failed to respond to their emotional needs, leading them to develop self-sufficiency as a coping strategy.

Disorganized attachment combines traits of both anxious and avoidant styles, usually resulting from early relational trauma or caregiving that was frightening or inconsistent. These individuals may want closeness but also fear it, leading to unpredictable behaviours. While insecure attachment styles can present challenges, they are not fixed. With insights and therapy, individuals can begin to understand and shift their attachment patterns.