How Can Attachment-Based Therapy Help Couples?

Der Hagestolz, Painting by Carl Spitzweg, 19th Century

Attachment-based psychodynamic psychotherapy for couples is a relational form of therapy based on attachment theory, which explores how early parental or caregiver relationships influence emotional bonds and behaviour in adult relationships. Drawing on the foundational work of John Bowlby, this approach assumes that unmet attachment needs in childhood, such as inconsistent, neglectful, or emotionally distant caregiving, can lead to insecure attachment styles that play out in adult romantic relationships. Couples therapy from this perspective focuses on healing these early wounds through a reparative emotional bond, encouraging greater emotional cohesion, trust, and communication between partners.

In therapy, couples are encouraged to identify and explore patterns of emotional disconnection that reflect their internal working models of attachment. For example, one partner may pursue closeness while the other withdraws, mimicking anxious and avoidant attachment dynamics. The therapist works to uncover how these patterns may stem from early attachment injuries and help each partner understand their own and their partner’s emotional needs. This emotional insight facilitates new relational experiences in therapy that can gradually replace maladaptive patterns with more secure and supportive interactions.

The therapeutic process usually includes reflecting on each partner’s family of origin and the emotional messages received about safety, love, conflict, and vulnerability. These explorations are not only historical as they seek to draw connections between past and present, showing how unresolved attachment difficulties can influence current conflict, mistrust, or emotional distance. As couples deepen their awareness of these influences, they become more capable of responding to one another with empathy, rather than defensiveness or withdrawal.

A Woodland Walk, Painting by Robinson William, 1876

Importantly, attachment-based psychodynamic therapy for couples emphasizes emotional expression and the creation of a safe therapeutic space. The therapist models secure attachment by offering a stable, nonjudgmental presence that allows both partners to explore vulnerable feelings and unmet needs. Through this experience, couples can practice emotional risk-taking and repair, gradually building a more secure bond within their relationship. Over time, the goal is to transform their emotional dynamic from reactive to reflective, and from disconnected to emotionally engaged.

This approach is especially well-suited to couples struggling with long-standing relational patterns, emotional difficulties, or histories of trauma. While evidence for attachment-based therapy continues to grow, it may also be used alongside other therapeutic approaches as well. Therefore, attachment-based psychodynamic psychotherapy helps couples not only understand the roots of their distress but also create new patterns of emotional safety and intimacy together at the same time.